i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
