Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
