so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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