i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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