sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
