Barsexuality is the new black.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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