Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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