Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
