i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
