I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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