I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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