i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
