after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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