You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he fucked my hip out of place.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
