I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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