i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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