9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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