Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
