I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Randomize
