Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
