I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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