I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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