at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
