You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
