Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
they need to just BURY HIM!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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