maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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