so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
