I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
