you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
