I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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