I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
