If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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