I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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