Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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