The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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