i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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