He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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