There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
