oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
