New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
