I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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