May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
