Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize