Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
