i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
did i walk over a car last night?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
