i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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