So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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