highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
