So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
