Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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