honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
