is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
