Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
