Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
