im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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