omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
