I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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