Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
