I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
