I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
