We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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