I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize