You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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