he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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