I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
