I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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