Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
