i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
