My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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