Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
