I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
